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News Tagged ‘Retail’
The point of sales
Wednesday, November 25th, 2015‘Hello and welcome everybody, I imagine you are all wondering why I have called you here today, well it’s to announce an exciting new sales initiative conceived by George from our point of sale and promotions department.’
‘We have a point of sales and promotions department?’
‘Point of sale, Frank, sale. And yes we do, well, we have George and he’s come up with something quite brilliant, nothing short of a retail revolution. I’m not over selling it am I George? Anyway over to you.’
‘Thank you Michael for that most generous introduction. The Posap department are proud to bring you nothing less than the future of retail, it is our intention to give all of our loyal customers a wonderful day of dreamy Christmas shopping bliss. ‘
‘That doesn’t sound very new.’
‘Well Sally there is bit more to it. When I say day I mean day, we will be focusing all of our pre-Christmas discounting onto one single day. Twenty four hours of goodwill to all men. And women.’
‘Good Lord! How on earth will we do that?’
‘Well John, we will gather together all of the best selling products we have and lower the prices radically, but just for one day. We will select the best quality items only so that the customers get a really great deal and sell them at genuine reductions. We will have Christmas elves in the stores to guide customers and to serve them complimentary mulled wine, mince pies and roasted chestnuts. It will be so unexpected and popular that all of our competitors will be left scrambling to catch up. Just think of all the happy faces as shoppers wander casually about wafted on a breeze of Christmas songs and scented candles. Holly, decorations, joy and nothing but bargains, it’s going to be so Christmassy!’
‘Does it have a name?’
‘It certainly does Gary. Bearing in mind the time of year and how everything is covered in a glistening blanket of snow I thought we would call it, white Saturday.’
‘How lovely.’
‘Thank you Amy. Well that’s about it, back to you Michael.’
‘Alright everyone, settle down, exciting right? The board are very keen to implement George’s idea in its entirety, with just a few amendments.’
‘Amendments?’
‘Yes George, nothing major, just a few tweaks. First up, quality always sells so don’t include it, get out all the stuff that we haven’t been able to shift throughout the year and only reduce prices by about twenty per cent, we can inflate them beforehand so the discount looks bigger.’
‘That’s sounds a lot like a sale.’
‘Absolutely Gwyneth, we will only be selling things our customers didn’t want before, in all the excitement they won’t notice. We will pile the few better things near the doors so they can be seen from the street and block as many aisles as possible, chaos is good, we will need to turn the escalators off and shut down the lifts, they can all use the stairs.’
‘What about customer management?’
‘You mean crowd control, no problem, I’m thinking less elf and more bouncer and no mulled wine or candles, we don’t want drunk people setting fire to each other.’
‘Won’t that spoil the ambience?’
‘Which part?’
‘The no candles.’
‘It might Frank so we’ll turn half the lights off instead, as a bonus they won’t be able to see what they’re buying, while you’re at it turn off the heating, I want them cold. As for the day, well obviously it can’t be a Saturday, it’s too good a shopping day.’
‘What about Friday? Fridays are always a bit rubbish.’
‘Excellent, and make sure you alert the media so the world can see what disadvantaged shoppers really look like.’
‘We will have to change the name if it’s on a Friday.’
‘Very true Kate, it sounded too nice anyway, I want less Bing Crosby and more state of emergency.’
‘Dark Friday?’
‘Not bad.’
‘Black Friday? Like dark Friday only darker.’
‘Black Friday it is. As I said a retail revolution. George, any questions?’
‘Do we get to keep the chestnuts?’
The centre path and how to tread it
Saturday, June 6th, 2015It takes a lot of resolve to be interested in politics, in politicians. I voted, but I haven’t a clue who or what for. Some shiny bloke with rolled up sleeves, that I will never meet, who is meant to work for me but thinks I work for him, who could quite possibly be a figment of my imagination. Politicians seem to exist forever in the nineteen fifties, a place where it is okay to kiss lambs and stroke babies, to expect gratitude for knocking a penny off a pint of warm beer, a place where the public are an inconvenience to be suffered.
Politicians are strange, distant, exotic but in a totally oblivious kind of way. They are all doomed but don’t realise it, like orangutans in the wild. I have never seen either, except in pictures, for all I know they could already be extinct, I take their existence on faith. The world is a better place with orangutans in it, I know it is, orangutans are important, I want them to prevail. I don’t really feel the same way about politicians, even ones with orange tans. I can imagine a future without them, without left and right, without power and opposition, without commons and lords, a future where there is only the well worn centre path, a future where things just get done.
It would be the time of the bleeding obvious, when the NHS is run by doctors and nurses, where police officers are valued more than footballers, where mass transport is not for profit and banks lend rather than count money. It would be a time of celebrity scientists, when ‘those that can’ teach, when some people are not more equal than others and the entire tax system could be written on a single sheet of A4. Solar power, electric everything and the death of ole king coal.
Never going to happen of course, to achieve it government would have to be undone by those in power and that would be like turkeys voting for Christmas. But then again, if you think about it, without Christmas there would be no turkeys, so maybe if they evolved to the point where they could vote for it, they would, perhaps a short overfed life with great purpose is better than no life at all. Maybe one day that will happen with our political class. Maybe they will evolve past self interest, attain a higher consciousness, realise that there is no point in existing in a perpetual state of impasse. Sometimes it is better to be a turkey dinner than a turkey.
You can’t wrap an app
Thursday, December 11th, 2014I don’t know if you watch Game Of Thrones but in it is a huge wall of ice called not unreasonably The Wall. It is a man and magic made folly, three hundred miles long, seven hundred feet high, forever looming. On this side a near insurmountable climb, on the other permanent winter. I have another name for The Wall. Christmas.
Now don’t misunderstand me, I love Christmas, what is there not to love (insert favourite Christmas cliché here) but do we have to do it every year? I know it is important from a retail, I mean a religious point of view but couldn’t we sort of alternate? One year on one year off or maybe every four years. Oh yes, imagine the excitement, the preparations, the scale, all that pent up Christmas cheer. Though having said that my favourite Christmas cliché is that Christmas is for the children, I repeat it endlessly, how Christmas wouldn’t be the same without them (cheaper, quieter, more relaxing) that it is all worthwhile just for the look on their little faces when they stuff the ends of their stockings with unwanted oranges and walnuts and use them as maces. I would hate to have to explain to them that Christmas was now bi annual or every four years. I had a friend at school who was born on the 29th of February and his parents insisted that he only celebrate his birthday during leap years. I remember when I was twelve he was three, it didn’t make him very happy. But that’s just him and Christmas is bigger than one person, unless that person is Jesus of course.
Children aside I really think every four years could work, it would be like the World Cup or the Olympics, we could have a committee, call it the IOC, (It’s Occasionally Christmas) we could even have host nations, everybody’s Christmas in one place, think how grateful santa would be. I know my parents would love it as when they say Christmas is for the children they mean me and they never know what to get me, except for book tokens.
Okay confession, the whole every four years thing, I sort of have an ulterior motive, presents. It’s not that I am a Scrooge or anything it is that I have three sons of various ages with all the hand-me-down potential that creates and no longer have a clue what to get them. I am sick of buying the obligatory remote control something (cars, robots, helicopters, last year spiders) only to watch them careen into each other or the skirting or grannies stricken ankles because they don’t have multiple radio channels as promised on Amazon.
I blame Steve Jobs. Ever since my boys got ipads buying presents has become a near impossibility, you can’t buy them music or a music player or a TV or a camera or a game machine or games or DVD’s or fish tanks. You can’t buy them dictionaries or calculators or planetariums. You could buy them an app, but you can’t wrap an app, can’t really put it under the Christmas tree, besides most of them cost less than a pound, ‘Oh thanks Dad, Angry birds in Helsinki, how much did that set you back?’ We are trying tennis racquets this year, three of them, because you can’t hit a tennis ball with an ipad, well you can but backhand is difficult. My boys don’t play tennis, not yet, but we live in hope, don’t we all?
So go on, have a Merry Christmas and if you too are struggling to find the perfect gift don’t worry, I have a shop.
Nine Things: Opening a shop
Wednesday, July 10th, 2013At this point I have been reminded by Heather (our girl Monday to Friday) that a blog should occasionally contain useful information and not just the witterings of an aspiring egomaniac. So there follows my top nine tips on opening a shop because I couldn’t think of ten. I know if you have only read thus far I might not seem qualified to proffer counsel but I promise I do get better at the whole business thing. A word of caution though, these tips apply only to opening a retail shop, if you are thinking of starting a plastic budget widget firm or a hydroponic rude vegetable centre or even a lead lined life jacket company you will probably need to get some advice from someone else.
1: Don’t open a shop.
No, really don’t. Not unless you are prepared to work every hour that God sends and then ask him for overtime. If you have a family and they are not involved in the shop you had better say goodbye. It is going to be sometime before you attend another barbecue. Cancel the wedding.
2: If you must open a shop know your market.
Most independent shops rely on local trade, even posh ones. Getting people to travel any distance to you is difficult so first and foremost make sure there is enough local business to support you. Always be pleasant to your customers, you want them to come back and to say nice things to their friends. Given time word will spread and people will be willing to come from further afield but this will only happen if you do whatever you do better than anyone else. That is the hard bit.
3: Have enough money for at least a year.
It is very tempting to believe that after all your hard work setting up your shop (and I mean that literally, you will be doing everything) that it will immediately make money. It probably won’t, not unless you are the only undertaker in Dodge. Independent shops take time to work, they have to settle in, adjust, shed unrealistic expectations. If you deserve to survive you will but not without a fight and not without money.
4: Keep a tidy shop.
Your shop, whatever it is, must look lovely. Forever. In retail every day is the first day you open. A tired shop looks like a failing shop. Clean the windows, clean the floor, dust and rearrange, paint it when it needs it, treat it like your face, unless you are an ugly bloke.
5: Love your staff.
You must employ someone, if you don’t you will die on your feet. You will get away with it for a while especially if like me you have a Libby on your side but sooner or later you will need help. Finding brilliant staff is really difficult because, lets face it, who wants to work in a shop? Certainly not clever, kind people, Heather. There is not really a right or wrong way to do it as luck plays an enormous part, you will probably have to pin a notice to a gum tree and fend or fob off the psychopaths but if you are really fortunate the right person or people might just walk in. If they do, or once you find someone, don’t let them go, pay them as much as you can afford, don’t get cross with them, pet them and occasionally give them a saucer of milk.
6: You can’t get your hair cut online.
Despite the rumours the internet is real and it is not going to go away. Theresa May. There is a reason why our high streets are now packed with coffee shops and hairdressers. If you are going to sell only things that are readily available online then you are going to fail. Probably quickly. The internet will always be cheaper. Always. If you are opening a shop that sells stuff as opposed to a shop that does stuff then make sure that a good proportion of that stuff is difficult if not impossible to buy online unless they are buying it from you. It helps if you make your own. Stuff.
7: Get a website.
It is frequently argued that the internet is the scourge of the high street, the standard image is now boarded up shops, identikit town centres, tumbleweed and the sound of crickets. It is true that the web has decimated a certain section of the retail industry, but that is evolution for you, adapt or die. The businesses that failed did so because they didn’t recognise the new paradigm, why would they, it was new. It wasn’t just slow moving independents, even the old corporate hegemonies were flummoxed, suddenly subjected to the white heat of retail technology. Their response was not to embrace it but to fight it tooth and nail, to wheel out the heavy weapons, discounts, spot sales, promotions none of which got them within spitting distance of their online tormentors, it was liking fighting bird flu with a kleenex. By the time they realised and opened half-hearted sites of their own it was too late. The result was inevitable. They had to fall, they had nothing to give, they had been exposed, all they were doing was selling the same things as online competitors but at higher prices. Where was the joyful experience? Where was the value? Where was the unique selling point? If your entire business model is stack em high and sell em low then what do you have to offer when someone undercuts you. The good news in all this carnage is that as high street shops become scarcer, and they will, the ones that survive or any new ones will become better. They will have to, that will be their contract with the public and one of the things these new shops will need to provide is a website or eStore if only to promote the fact that they actually exist in the physical world. Ironic isn’t it and I don’t mean that in an Alanis Morrisette kind of way.
8: Close for holidays.
The temptation to always be open is almost overwhelming but resist it. It is bad enough that you will probably feel the need to open on Sundays but the practise of never closing is a hiding to nothing. It took me the best part of fifteen years to realise this, you are a small business, you are allowed time off, you are the boss for goodness sake. If you are the fabulous, unique little destination shop you clearly must be because you are still trading then have the confidence to know that, having been presented with a CLOSED sign, they will come back. I say this because some things are more important than selling people stuff they didn’t know they wanted, like getting away with your family, like relaxing without worrying how the relief staff are doing, like keeping your sanity. So if you feel the need to close do it, just make sure that you leave a nice sign saying so and a holiday message on your answer machine that makes your customers wish they were going with you.
9: Aim high.
Opening and running a beautiful shop is about a lot more than just making money. Money is essential of course but really it needs to been seen as a useful byproduct of running a successful business. The reason for this is that most of the money you make will have to go back in, keeping up the appearance of your premises, improving it and maintaining or adding to stock, it’s not called turnover for nothing. Hopefully there will come a point when all of your dedication pays off and the shop begins to make more than it costs (this is harder than it sounds but you will know it when it happens) and you may even dare to utter the word ‘profit’. Say it quietly though as the notion of profit is often quite different from the reality as the chances are it has already been absorbed by the company but you will still have to pay tax on it. If after all this there is money left over what you do with it is up to you but if you are already drawing a reasonable wage then any surplus should really be considered the property of the business and reinvested. Or you could just blow it topping up your pension. Profit though is a really good indicator that what you are doing may bear repeating. One shop is unlikely to make you rich but if the one shop is working well why not open another one, you will probably have to borrow in order to do this, assuming you still have a house. Hold your nerve, fight whim, don’t try to fix what isn’t broken, do not waver or be tempted down market, do the same thing again somewhere else applying all the lessons you have learnt. Aim high, then shoot higher.
Well I think that went rather well, maybe a tad long winded, wordy even, what do you mean overwritten Heather? It was useful, even I learnt a thing or two (must stop working Sundays, must learn my children’s names). I think I will make nine things a regular feature, the possibilities are endless. Sadly.
